i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
