Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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