sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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