we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
