Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
