"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
