OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
