Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
