remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
