If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
