I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
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