You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
