were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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