and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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