I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
