Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
