no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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