I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
