im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Well I just put wine in my tea
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
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