R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
