Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
