1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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