Where is the hickey?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
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