i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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