dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
