I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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