Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
