a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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