when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize