is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Randomize