dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
he thought i was a dude.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I want to fling myself into the sun
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
