So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
