Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
