Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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