You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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