dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I have tasted many bathrooms
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