Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize