No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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