My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
