separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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