I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
