did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
