Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
