Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
