if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
