He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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