His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
