I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
