I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize