I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
