There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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