Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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