I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
