my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
