I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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