me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize