she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
