She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Say something about gay babies.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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