it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
