Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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