I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
