it was like his penis was on wheels.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
