I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
