I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
