OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
