why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
